Anne Lamott has been my non consensual priest again this month, well for months-- I suppose. We met back in 2009-- (well one of us met the other without the other's knowledge). Neither of us have been the same since... (One being unconscious of the other is irrelevant here).
I am wholly convinced that in my postmodern, pseudoreligious state of mind that we have many soul mates out there-- out there as in "Earth." That antiquated Zeus tale that infers an ideal of a perfect partner was just Plato pulling the regular 'tard card. No duh we live in a world starved for silence and connection-- so why would we have one iconic and other tangible whole awaiting our completion? Our lives wreaking havoc until that damn human shows up to the game.. no matter how late. Undoubtedly, it remains another egregious Greco claim.
Back to Anne--- she is one of the few soul mates of mine. How? Why?
I'll make a list...as every sharpened and linear mind tends to make (note the sarcasm here...NOTE IT):
1. She is funny. Idiosyncratic. Neurotic.
“I thought such awful thoughts that I cannot even say them out loud
because they would make Jesus want to drink gin straight out of the cat
dish.”
2. She writes. She takes time and effort in translating her thoughts into imaginative and formative pieces of art.
“You are lucky to be one of those people who wishes to build sand
castles with words, who is willing to create a place where your
imagination can wander. We build this place with the sand of memories;
these castles are our memories and inventiveness made tangible. So part
of us believes that when the tide starts coming in, we won't really
have lost anything, because actually only a symbol of it was there in
the sand. Another part of us thinks we'll figure out a way to divert
the ocean. This is what separates artists from ordinary people: the
belief, deep in our hearts, that if we build our castles well enough,
somehow the ocean won't wash them away. I think this is a wonderful
kind of person to be.”
3. She recognizes the truth of her personhood, grapples with it, and let's grace have her way with her.
“I do not understand the mystery of grace -- only that it meets us where we are and does not leave us where it found us."
"Hope is not about proving anything. It's about choosing to believe this
one thing, that love is bigger than any grim, bleak shit anyone can
throw at us."
4. She is honest with her own illusions, dreams, expectations.
“Your problem is how you are going to spend this one and precious life
you have been issued. Whether you're going to spend it trying to look
good and creating the illusion that you have power over circumstances,
or whether you are going to taste it, enjoy it and find out the truth
about who you are.”
5. She is committed to the process. The human process as well as the transcending process.
"We are given a shot at dancing with, or at least clapping along with,
the absurdity of life, instead of being squashed by it over and over
again. It's like singing on a boat during a terrible storm at sea. You
can't stop the raging storm, but singing can change the hearts and
spirits of the people who are together on that ship.”
“I think joy and sweetness and affection are a spiritual path. We're
here to know God, to love and serve God, and to be blown away by the
beauty and miracle of nature. You just have to get rid of so much
baggage to be light enough to dance, to sing, to play. You don't have
time to carry grudges; you don't have time to cling to the need to be
right.”
And with the limitations and the bounty of rich words, I find myself and God amidst her. The very echo of thoughts and reminiscences of something I do not understand, but long for. A sweetness awaiting to be found.
Anne just did a year on Match. com-- and her ventures continue to parallel thoughts on my own. Read for yourself: http://www.salon.com/2013/03/31/my_year_on_match_com/
I revel in my skin the family crest of "We Don't Give Up." Highly kickass.
After being on Match.com and experiencing the utter exhaustion of trying to connect and be who you are while trying to impress, I was convinced that having utter self-respect in the midst of things not working is okay. To rush away moments at hand for idealized things of the future seems a bit asinine. Hanging on to something for the sake of mere self-preservation seems to be a cop out. But learning to love yourself, having grace for you and others, giving to people among you the gift of you, and letting go of what life was suppose to give you is a worthwhile whirlwind. Sometimes it feels like a bloodsucking whore to the mind, but what the hell, we press on.
Soulmate review to be continued...Flannery, Hesse, Buechner...all coming soon. (Being that they're already dead, I take great heed in procrastinating with great subjugation over such reviews).
