You arrived again last night.
Void of emotion, void to feel,
You appeared before me with no appeal.
I asked you how it was, Life after life.
One glance, one crease of the mouth, elevated, neither sullen nor trite.
How much longer must you speak and hasten to me?
The hue of your golden mirage again engulfed my sea.
I despised your pain! I detested your condition!
You were stuck, contained, concealed! A heart imprisoned with inhibition.
And I begged for your mercy, pleaded for your freedom!
For the captor's injustice foretells the iron oven.
And I was useless, stone cold with mere eyes to see.
To watch you suffer, like a small pup chained from his mother-- I resented the will to be.
"If there is no peace for you, there can be no peace for me."
And I laid my head down slowly, tenderly into my bed.
Without bombs exploding or muscles atrophying or ruptures to my head.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Bien Venidos 2012!!!
It's been awhile for ole Betty to enter the big girl blog realms again.
And so, news of my adventure has taken another direction. I am leaving beloved West Virginia for the state of Tennessee. To the city of Nashville to be exact. To the institution of Vanderbilt, precisely. I'll be back in school and in the SICU. Oh dear Dolly!!! This is exciting, yet clearly sad. My heart made it's home here for a while and when you love something or someone in a way that has changed you, you never stop loving. It's impossible to try. It's there. It's invested. It's a gift given freely and willingly. You can only say goodbye and bid it good tidings for the future.
I've had an irreplaceable 1.5 years here in West Virginia with people with more character than I have ever met in my life. With towns with 80% of the population below the poverty line, I have seen The Great Ache rage through hearts and lives in a place where people forget that their value supercedes the coal, supercedes the land, that truly, they are the hidden treasure of this place. They are rooted and fortified in Appalachian roots. Ain't nobody gonna taint that shit!
Through my weenie roast and hollar expeditions, my late night square dancing, meals shared with strangers, sick patients who unexpectedly passed, and moments with my precious geris, I have learned a bit about the pilgrimage of us...the journey of our own human nature...and a bit about me. Here are some thoughts:
-We all deeply, deeply want to hope in something or someone. We want to hope that our lives will work out, that the world will work for our children, that we will have played the game right and not failed to a measurable degree. We want to hope that in the end, we won't be alone. That somehow, we have been INTIMATELY connected to someone or something. That be a person, God, or an overwhelming feeling of understanding will convey that we're alright, we've made it, and grace has prevailed. Somehow, someway, grace has won.
-Our deepest cry is for compassion, understanding and respect. We forget that though we're different, we're so much the same. To listen to the human heart, and WANT to listen to all it's follies and beauties. TO be honest about our insecurities, our mistakes and issues, and being ACCEPTED and loved by something...this reminds us of the possibility of being redeemed. YOU ARE WORTHY OF ADORATION.
-We absolutely wail over in hunger for an engagement with life. This means everything: with people of all ages, with nature, with arts and crafts, agriculture, laughter and silliness, with community, with serving others and giving of our time. We want so badly to engage, but often get paralyzed with self-interest and fear. Most times we are our worst enemy, but we can learn together how to fight that innate tendency, so we can let life further birth life IN us.
-NEVER STOP EXPLORING. We must share our wacky discoveries and opinions. Embrace the youness of you. Boring is safe. I say we grow a pair and dive in!!!! And Let Captain Vulnerability take you where it needs to go.
I will miss you big honkin state of WV-- you've made me a hell of a Betty Coughlin-- and even though the path doesn't produce the change, it puts us right there where the change can occur-- to grow, to change, to see, to become fully who were we made to be.
You are what you love, not what loves you. That's what I decided a long time ago. --Donald Kaufman
Also, 2014, I'll be back. Patch Adams' hospital will be finished in Pocohantas County... possibly the first real hospital since Florence Nightingale. I'll be there, guaranteed.
And so, news of my adventure has taken another direction. I am leaving beloved West Virginia for the state of Tennessee. To the city of Nashville to be exact. To the institution of Vanderbilt, precisely. I'll be back in school and in the SICU. Oh dear Dolly!!! This is exciting, yet clearly sad. My heart made it's home here for a while and when you love something or someone in a way that has changed you, you never stop loving. It's impossible to try. It's there. It's invested. It's a gift given freely and willingly. You can only say goodbye and bid it good tidings for the future.
I've had an irreplaceable 1.5 years here in West Virginia with people with more character than I have ever met in my life. With towns with 80% of the population below the poverty line, I have seen The Great Ache rage through hearts and lives in a place where people forget that their value supercedes the coal, supercedes the land, that truly, they are the hidden treasure of this place. They are rooted and fortified in Appalachian roots. Ain't nobody gonna taint that shit!
Through my weenie roast and hollar expeditions, my late night square dancing, meals shared with strangers, sick patients who unexpectedly passed, and moments with my precious geris, I have learned a bit about the pilgrimage of us...the journey of our own human nature...and a bit about me. Here are some thoughts:
-We all deeply, deeply want to hope in something or someone. We want to hope that our lives will work out, that the world will work for our children, that we will have played the game right and not failed to a measurable degree. We want to hope that in the end, we won't be alone. That somehow, we have been INTIMATELY connected to someone or something. That be a person, God, or an overwhelming feeling of understanding will convey that we're alright, we've made it, and grace has prevailed. Somehow, someway, grace has won.
-Our deepest cry is for compassion, understanding and respect. We forget that though we're different, we're so much the same. To listen to the human heart, and WANT to listen to all it's follies and beauties. TO be honest about our insecurities, our mistakes and issues, and being ACCEPTED and loved by something...this reminds us of the possibility of being redeemed. YOU ARE WORTHY OF ADORATION.
-We absolutely wail over in hunger for an engagement with life. This means everything: with people of all ages, with nature, with arts and crafts, agriculture, laughter and silliness, with community, with serving others and giving of our time. We want so badly to engage, but often get paralyzed with self-interest and fear. Most times we are our worst enemy, but we can learn together how to fight that innate tendency, so we can let life further birth life IN us.
-NEVER STOP EXPLORING. We must share our wacky discoveries and opinions. Embrace the youness of you. Boring is safe. I say we grow a pair and dive in!!!! And Let Captain Vulnerability take you where it needs to go.
I will miss you big honkin state of WV-- you've made me a hell of a Betty Coughlin-- and even though the path doesn't produce the change, it puts us right there where the change can occur-- to grow, to change, to see, to become fully who were we made to be.
You are what you love, not what loves you. That's what I decided a long time ago. --Donald Kaufman
Also, 2014, I'll be back. Patch Adams' hospital will be finished in Pocohantas County... possibly the first real hospital since Florence Nightingale. I'll be there, guaranteed.
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