Ehhhhh....

I cannot help but wonder what the junk I’m still doing here in Douglasville, Georgia. Same suburb-ia. Same room. Same bed. Same Sophie by my side. Same parents. Same place we’ve congregated as a family for the past 14 years. SAME. Same. sameeeeeee. And lookie here….here’s good ole Bethy wethy, back after set sailing to the land of college. Different, yes. Strange? Mmm, perhaps. Weird was always my underlying normalcy. Normal is nonexistent. I mean, really, what the crap is “normal”? There is this life that I’ve lived all around me. Every day I wake up I remember high school moments, I see awards from when I was 5 years old, and I look at pictures of family members who are no longer walking or breathing on this Earth. That’s the life I’ve lived. It’s just there—staring back at me.

Every morning I wake up to this environment just to repeat, “God, whatever parts of Beth you want me to discover and be today, I will be that.” And then I ask for faithfulness to actually do that. (That’s the hard part). And there are days that I reflect only to realize scarce discoveries, and hope that something was made aware in my subconscious, only to surface later on. No day is ever empty--whether I realize it or not.

And then I see the life I’m living. Really, really, living. Carpe Diem isn’t just for the little hellains who love to rebel and waste time to pretend like they’re seeking some adventure. Living is all inward anyways—and then involuntarily thrust and hastened to your veins and mouth. This compelling, majestic rejoice that cries out. You can’t shut this crap up. You can’t plan this “living” out, or set a certain date when this is to take place, or when it will actually be “real living.” It either is, or it isn’t. Either now or never.

These principles of life, these values, and ideals rooted in the power of the law of love emerge-- then we let the creative spirit ferment and simmer these forth. And just as you are compelled to unleash these founded truths, so are you bound with this stipulation to somehow affirm your capability to embrace such things. What will happen, and how will you and life and things all come about? And the truth is-- we don’t have any idea. You don’t know. I don’t know. Alas, will you become a mentally deranged looney? Quite possibly. Will you be alone with your “unthinkable and outlandish ideals,” completely misunderstood, or worse, no one even wanting to understand you? Maybe. Rejected at the finest level. But here is the beauty of the cyclic lifestyle of life, in not knowing—-we come back to the Source. Everything. In Him. Complete. All of it. You can’t stop the power of the law of love. When it is true, you just can’t stop it. Streams of living water...over-freakin-flow.

We center ourselves, empty ourselves, and focus ourselves. We listen, meditate and communicate. Really, though, why do we do this? We must remember that this centering and emptying cannot be solely for ourselves, to be pure, or even to be one with God. This is hard enough to do, I understand. But we must exceed such motivation and dare to take upon ourselves the pain of humanity!! In this deeply rooted prayer, the peaceable kingdom comes to life. In being, we are a witness to life. The Christian answer that our burdens have already been taken care of is not true of the present age. Jesus may have bore our sin, but he certainly did not bear our responsibilities to Himself or humankind. This thought only encourages and accepts that we are inevitably involved in making our own narrow selves the chief end of existence. MLK Jr once wrote, "Any religion that professes to be concerned with the souls of man and is not concerned about the social and economic conditions that scar the soul, is a spiritually moribund religion only waiting for the day to be buried."

We have the beautiful privilege to lose our life for the sake of others. It's a privilege, people! This type of prayer is risky and demands utter responsibility when our concerns are voiced. I have to remind myself daily that dialogue with God is possible and works in a togetherness in renewing the earth. If I don't see passed myself, I die. I DIE. I hinder the influence of the power of love revealed inwardly. And this power of love in prayer is my ONLY, and I mean only prevention of cowarding to a cynical and hardened heart.

There is a stream of life that is happening though-- just as the spring season sprouts, grows and blooms-- so do the hearts and hands of men and women who sow abundantly into the peaceable kingdom of God. And secretly and mysteriously, these seeds are coming to LIFE.

Industrialization. Modernization. Just stupid cover up words for imperialistic exploitation and continuous production of cultural genocide. Economic and strategic efforts do not justify your actions. Just be a little bird-- pecker at the bits and pieces you want and do--all for the sake of God. Annihilation of land for private profit is MURDER. And its stiff carcass is amidst us. "Oh, Beth, now that's history and how we've gotten to be where we are today." And....?!?!?!!? Damn you, capitalism.

Abroad, we invest millions in defense-- all in the name of national security. We take great homage knowing our people are protecting the American public back home from any threat or force of ill will. We want to safeguard our people, but then what provides sustainable life to these people? The existing resources of the land....or rather the depleting resources of the land. If we are not able to defend our resources, then what's the use to defend the people who cannot live without the resources? The disparaging truth of it all is with our defense-- so astute in their willpower to destroy thousands of people as well as miles of land in the name of nuclear power and protection-- we kill the very resources that keep us alive. And by us I mean every miracle of life that exists on this planet. Amazing. The food and water of nature was given freely to keep us alive, we just couldn't quite get a grip on our appetites. The U.S. is 4% of the world's population, yet it consumes one-fourth of ALL of Earth's resources. My, my...the striking intelligence of the Western world is so alluring!

Ah sweet sweet freedom.

My fat, little pumpkin-belly kitty taught me life a couple days ago that beat a hard bang deep in my core. Outside my basement, I have a rocking chair and a bird feeder so that I can talk and chit-chat with the birdies in the morning. Sophie--my dog--usually accompanies me since she is primarily preoccupied with squirrels and rather kindly relinquishes the birds for me. But poor little Truman, my sweet boy, always looks out the glass door to ponder the world outside and what we are doing--every single morning. I found out a couple of days prior that Truman had never even been outside before. For 6 years of his life, he had only looked out that stupid glass door to only imagine what life really exists in the experience of an unknown world. He had no knowledge of how life outside the door existed, he merely made interpretations based on his perception of such things. He could perceive as he wanted--though not knowing that he was crafting an extension of illusion of a world he did not know. (I don't know if he really thought this, if he's anything like me, yes, of course he did this). My parents had never let him out, scared that he may never return to his safe, little domesticated home--the only thing he had ever known.

So, one morning, I decided to, yes, let him FREE-- to remove that silly glass door hiding him from experience. And finally Truman could see the world as it is, rather than how he saw it from his internal frame of reference! Oh and the sweetness of his journey. I slowly slid the door open to let him come out and he took one step-- looked at me with those shockingly amazed eyes and proceeded onward towards a blade of grass. He sniffed the blade of grass, then he pounced on it with his paws, and then he start thrusting his jaw open at it as he tried to fully conquer the blade of grass with his mouth as he ate it. FREEDOM. He intended on utilizing every sense he had to capture this new world. Every sense! He started gagging after he ate the whole piece of grass, so I put him back inside. He threw up quite a few times. But you know what? He probably didn't care if he threw up 80 times. All worth it. ALL of it. He was a true living emphasis of application rather than theory of a perception, and that experience can thwart any rooted ball of illusion.

I hope I throw up as much as it takes to experience and give myself to the realm of knowledge where no thoughts exist apart from God-- because God and His creation share one WILL. And to get to that realm of knowledge, I must forgive-- and let the Internal Teacher mediate betweebn such worlds.

I am a living, breathing human being, and so are you. I am just as mortal as you are, just as liable to walk in error and make mistakes. I am just as hungry as you are, wanting and craving eternal things to satisfy my soul. I am just as unsure as you are. Please, walk with me, my fellow human being, teach me understanding, urge me to let the spirit of God express itself. For we know that when the creative spirit stirs, it animates a style of being that desires to bring dreams to reality. Your thoughts give life to my thoughts. Together we innovate, we explore, and we allow every piece of life to surge reverence and inspiration. This, my friend, is dialogue. The heck with independence--I choose you to engage with, my fellow cohabitant of the Earth. There are 6.8 billion of you. Today, I begin with you.

When I destroy you,
I am destroying me.
Because, believe it or not,
We are inevitably linked in this thing called HUMANITY.

"Men are beginning to realize that they are not individuals but persons in society, that man alone is weak and adrift, that he must seek strength in common action."
-Dorothy Day

We must stop the destruction of each other NOW.

What do you REALLY want?

My goal in life is to breach ignorance in a determined pursuit to find unvarnished truth. Undeniably, ignorance is the first line of defense when any issue arises amidst conversation. I feel uneasy when I am made aware of the chronic community issues that exist right before my eyes---mostly because I know at its core it will call me to change the way in which I live. I ask myself, "Where have you been, Beth?" And at the same time, I am so grateful to those who long to fuel this awareness to people--those, who deeply yearn to integrate their values into actions, whatever the cost. Thank you, God, that we have the ability to teach one another, to stimulate a sustained awareness to people who want to actively participate in this life. Let us not grow weary in doing this!

This is not a revolution, a postmodern movement nor a period of reform, rather, this is a way of thinking transformed into a way of living. What will you do when the knowledge and truth you come to acquire does not delineate an easy way of living that you had so readily prescribed for yourself? What do you want? These truths may be inconvenient, cumbersome, and absurd to instill such vast measures of change, but again, what do you REALLY want? I can't stand for whatever is true and noble and right, and then be stifled and smitten to coward back to the peachy clean lifestyle of sheer ignorance. I may try to, which sometimes I do, but ultimately, how can I? As GK Chesterton said once in his remarkable book, "A dead thing can go with the stream, but only a living thing can go against it." What do you want?

Power of love, shared

Living back with the parentals has been quite an arduous ride, with all the small yet impactful bumps along the way. But from their mouths spew incredible wisdom, which isn't always what I would choose to hear. Most of the time, though, these words resonate truth I sourly take heart in. My parents much prefer to discuss two matters of substance with me: 1. Job 2. How they can get me to fancy a bachelor and get hitched so they can nurture some grandbabies. Eh, to the first topic of interest. Pissy blah to the latter topic of interest. When the phrase "marriage" lifts off the tip of their tongue, instantly they reply, "Beth, we know, we know, you are living for a new heaven and a new earth, and you don't care about marriage right now." Damn straight. Thank God, my parents know me and understand there is much needed to be done in the world. But my dad made a comment a few days ago that struck me. He said, "Beth, God can do whatever he likes. But one thing God can't do is get married."

It didn't really phase me until the next day I was reading an article of how feminists are trying to remove God as a "he" from the traditional liturgy. I was pondering how God is nongender specific and then I thought of the words of my dad. God is all-powerful, limitless, strikingly omnipresent, and yet, he can't get some other nongender specific and get married because quite simply, he cannot share in his power with another. All this to say, why he made gender totally makes sense then. God was authentically curious to see how a power so earnest and strong as love may be shared between two people. God is so overly abundant, but yet he orchestrated it where two people relinquish their own sturdy independence to share in this ulimate power. What continually freaks me out is that I am a product of my parents' love for one another. I am their shared and united power of love--made flesh. Love made flesh. Interesting.