Dear People in Charge

Dear People in Charge,

This is not a rant, nor a compilation of dissent, nor a complete alienation of your mishaps or your faults or what you do wrong. I do wrong quite often. Your wrongs are simply more readily publicized than mine. But I do beseech upon you one minor, yet revolutionary piece of paramount action: To refrain from using this "GOD" term in your call of duty as you address the present public. Why, you ask, would you ever want to take GOD out of the minds and hearts of our leaders? This God to whom they acknowledge is being misrepresented! We flippantly throw around the phrases such as "God Bless America" and "In God We Trust." And yes, you can't deny or dissipate the growing warmth and comfort that these phrases bring. Yes, we are people that can unite in this thing known as God. But what GOD? And to whom defines him? I understand--church and state are separated. But we are left hanging here! This God to whom we are told to trust is unknown, constitutionally esoteric, incomprehensible and vague! You want us to be founded on this deeply spiritual faith-- but what of your present policies even encourage us to seek forth this truth? By using this "GOD" you simply want to tame our public behavior, and yet you forgo the most important thing about us: our founded private truths. As long as people somehow make a decree to a higher power, they are subdued, toned down, internally obliged to perform their duties. We were not meant to be contained, bottled up, harneesed, repressed and stifled! Enacting policies using "GOD" as you wrenchedly implant fear in our hearts if we do not constitutionally comply! Do you even care about us, people? Are we more than a commodity to manipulate, brainwash, and morph into a product of some exploitative sameness? Do you care about the truth that prevails within and enables us to become ALIVE? Or would you rather have us safe, tamed, weak, wimpy, pacified and domesticated? Please, instigate such that makes us come alive instead of eliciting your power as a another hidden tool of fear and social control. Look at your people--we so badly want to LIVE.

Does anyone in the world really get this?

I can't get this out of my head. This boggles me through every little neuron and synapse of my brain. And surely it cannot be understood. The degree to which humans were created with this propensity to do good and yet also with this propensity to do evil is mind blowing, almost debilitating to process this coexistence. We recognize this selfishness, our embedded pursuit of pleasure, whether recognized as conscious or unconscious. Selfishness may rule us, but yet it is not able to completely prevail over our entire beings. We are still plagued by this altruistic urge creeping its way into us. Total regard for the self is impossible, because all of us have been instilled with yet this redemptive sort-of quality--or moreorless, it is what we were created full with, until we twisted it. Even the biggest a-hole on the planet has produced some sort of goodness that ripples an effect. This deposit of morality has been fastened within us--we did not formulate it's existence. It may be suppressed, but it cannot be withdrawn. We can chose to feed whichever propensity, but none lacks either ability. And here resides these dichotomous instincts--or whatever the crap they are--and these instincts vie for dominance, struggling for greater ascendance than the other--all occurring in the inward activity in one person all at the same time. And we don't even realize it. WE DON'T EVEN REALIZE IT. Absolutely ridiculous. What kind of thing, or being, or whatever would create such a mind-blowing masterpiece? I HAVE NO IDEA. Well kinda, but holy moly...

I watched Alice in Wonderland last week. Ah the madness of Alice that I so desperately understand: "I wonder if I've been changed in the night? Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is 'Who in the world am I?' Ah, that's the great puzzle!" It's a wild quest for God in the tangled jungle of our souls. Then she goes on later in the movie to say,"If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?"I see. It must be some upside-down, unbalanced, unfit and wildy unleashed Kingdom with no boundaries that exists, we just don't fully understand just quite yet.

Newly Written, Purposefully Composed

With words seldomly able to express the whirlwind of emerging thoughts and feelings, I find myself oscillating once again of whether to try to write again or not to write. I hate the stereotypical ideal of insightful, prayerful, writing-in-a-journal or blog Christian girl. I ask myself again, Why is that bad Beth? I hate that that bothers me, and that I constructed a label of identity that I once saw befitting, and now view it as another suave form of conformity. I have to see this juxtaposition of messiness and madness at my core. And these are not bad, despite what we are told. This takes effort that would either propel me on a whim of curiousity that furthers my appetite of learning, or lodge me under a brick of condemnation suited only for those of inferiority. I unconsciously adhere to the latter. So I candidly rebel from writing--for a purpose none other than to keep myself from envisioning myself as this sacred being or one not good enough, who is only falsely perceived by my mind. Letting the river of thoughts create its own route of intention does something to me. This canvas becomes its own designer. I could control it and what I intend to be and how I get there. But how could I? It'd be of superficial production. So what the heck, I give in. This pool, or rather this well, that resides within wades forth a superfluous amount of water, yet without attempting some form of escape, my interior is drowned. For some time, I hope this writing will be my escape. I guess I will know if I have no more posts. I don't want to pretend like I am some thought-conceiving connoisseur, because I am not. But I am human. And to be human is the most perplexing thing besides GOD. So may the madness be conveyed! And if anything, may this madness produce goodness and resonate life that has so unknowingly been dismissed.